Communication is probably the most important thing in all types of relationships. Although in these times of fast communication, texting, emails, chat programs and nearly everyone is attached to a cell phone, real and honest communication is still difficult. I saw a piece on the news a few days ago where a survey was done and surprise! surprise! people find it much easier to lie and deceive via text messages, and email, and since chat programs are similar I would include them in this too, than by actually talking over the telephone. And we all know that people routinely lie and mislead over telephones. So although the electronic marvels at our fingertips can make communication much easier, what it has done is make miscommunication much easier. Just think about how many times you have typed something and sent it to someone who took the message in a completely different way than the manner you had intended it to be taken and the other person often became offended or angry with you because of something you were trying to get across, in a friendly or joking way? When the other person cannot see your body language or hear your voice inflections it is very easy to be misunderstood, and conversely it is easier for you to mislead the other person. Many Television commercials even demonstrate how easy it is to lie and mislead with the new smartphones, apps and technology that are out there now. But what is always overlooked is that a lie or deception will always eventually catch up with you and the situation will become much much worse than it would have become if you were honest with the people you care about in the first place.
Communication is also a two-way street. One can talk and share honestly and openly and the new technology makes this easier over long distances. But if the other person is not as forthcoming, not as open and honest as the first one you have miscommunication. Another problem is where one person is quite open and honest about everything while the other one is secretive, evasive, or not as divulgent, leaving the the first person guessing about some things. This guessing leads to projecting, which is never a good thing and can indeed in some cases destroy a very good and close friendship. If someone's openness and manner of expressing themselves troubles you, then instead of acting like everything is fine, just tell them they are making you uncomfortable and explain why. By avoiding this, you are actually making the situation even worse for yourself. In close relationships, such as marital or love relationships, emotions are easily touched, and sometimes we fear to ask the questions we suspect, because we fear the answers to those questions. So we don't ask the questions, we hold them inside, begin projecting and internalize that, the result is that our projections hurt us emotionally, we internalize the pain, the pain grows, becomes anger, then one day the pressure becomes great enough that we have to act. We explode emotionally, over our self-created scenarios, which are more often than not, far from the true reality of what was actually happening. Whereas, if we would have just communicated with the one we care about in the first place we could have saved ourselves days, weeks, months or even years of pain, grief and anguish.
Real communication is important, but so are the relationships we value, and if we truly value the relationship we will need to learn to communicate openly, honestly and candidly on both sides of the street. Not doing so will eventually destroy that which we value the most.
