Death as a friend

Our society has an ingrained fear of death. We are all taught this from a very early age. So we grow up fearing death, and when someone in our family dies, we are almost apologetic when we have to ask for time off to attend the funeral. Society has made us materialistic and possessive. So when someone close to us dies, we have difficulty letting go, and their passing leaves a big hole in our lives. The greater the role the deceased played in our lives the greater the sense of loss. The resulting trauma we feel is real pain, as intense as any physical pain can be. People around us are very supporting for the first few days or even few weeks, but then they just want us "to get over it." But this stems from their own fears concerning death. But the reality is that we never are able to "just get over it." Grief over the loss of a valued person in our lives is a process we must work through in order to heal in a healthy manner. When we experience a loss, we all must do our "grief work" and in some cases as in the death of a spouse or significant other this process may take a year or more for us to complete that "grief work." Our society fears death. But this was not always the case.

Our ancestors had a different perspective on death and dying. Life was hard and death was a release from the struggle that life offered. Death was a celebration of the continuance of life, and an acknowledgement that the deceased had completed all of the tasks s/he was required to in that particular incarnation.

In my own religious philosophy, which is based upon the beliefs our ancestors held, life and death are merely two different aspects of the learning progression of the soul. A person is born into this life to learn and grow spiritually. During the process, we learn pain, and sickness and hardship as well as the joys and pleasures and feelings of triumph in overcoming some of the many difficulties that the process of life demands of us. Our ancestors did not fear death, they embraced death as the blessing of peace and opportunity of rest and reward for the completion of a phase of the continuing process of life and evolution of spirit.

Death is the great unknown, and though many have traveled that path of transition, the veil between the worlds of the living and the dead is not something we can see through while we are in corporeal form. Our fear of death causes us to flee death, adding to our ignorance of death. Our ancestors understood death much better, because they embraced death as a friend. Yes, like us I am certain they felt the pain of the loss of a loved one, but they also knew they would meet again when they themselves crossed behind the veil. They did not have the concept of the Christian hell, but they did have the belief that the soul of someone who was basically a rotten apple in life would undergo the pain of purification in death, until the soul was ready to return to experience another phase of life and learning and spiritual growth.

During my work with hospice patients, I have often witnessed the dying comforting the ones they would be leaving behind when the transition from life to death occurred. Many of them actually look forward to death, because once faced with the reality that they are going to die, they have come to understand death and view death as a friend rather than an enemy to be feared. Yet our society continues to view death as a disease and act as if it may be contagious.

Death can happen to anyone at any time. Some of us will die suddenly, other will die slowly. But the fact is we will all eventually die, and when that time comes, we will meet death alone, one on one.

Many my age and older may recall the movie entitled "Death Takes a Holiday", where death fell in love with a mortal woman who was supposed to die and he suddenly stopped gathering souls. For a time there was no death. Burned victims screamed in agony, tortured by the pain of raw nerves exposed to the air, people in car crashes with half their bodies mangled lived on to the bafflement of the medical professionals. Without death, people suffered horribly all over the world. Finally Death saw what was happening and allowed the compassion he felt for the many suffering souls to overcome his love of the woman and he again began gathering his work in releasing people from their pain and suffering.

Death is a necessary process of life. Life feeds upon death. This is apparent in nature, but for those isolated from close contact with nature this is something that is not quite understood. As it is, something must die so that something else may live. We all consume the life energy of something else, whether that be the life of the lettuce and tomato in your salad or the beef that was killed to make your cheese burger. Every time you eat, you are consuming life no matter what you eat, it has given it's life so that you may live.

So death is the key to life. My father feared death all of his life. He was in fact terrified of death and he suffered terribly. Then one day, he lost that fear and passed into the afterlife peacefully. His suffering had come to an end, his pain had gone.

I myself served a hitch in the service of Uncle Sam and was often in the place where death was close at hand. Death had become my constant companion and he could have touched me on the shoulder at any moment. Because death was so close and constantly there, like the hospice patients I worked with i learned that Death was not my enemy. I began to understand something about death and in the process Death became my friend. I no longer fear death, for I have gotten a glimpse of that which lies beyond the veil and I know that it is not so bad. But I am in no rush to get there either. I did not survive the experiences of my past for naught, there is some purpose I need to fulfill yet. My tasks are not yet at an end, yet my experiences may have been gathered to help someone else understand the answer or at least enough of the answer to feel a measure of comfort when death touches them or someone close to them on the shoulder.

May you all live long and happy lives. I know my own life has become much more peaceful when I allowed Death to become my friend.