Clergy and End of Life

Clergy and End of Life

Here it is less than a week before the first day of spring, the time when our focus is on life, living and new beginnings. Yet several times these past weeks I have seen the truck pulling the trailer that carries and sets burial vaults making trips up and down the road between the place of business to the north and the cemeteries to the south. The fall equinox pretty much marks a time when the death rate rises. Then after the vernal equinox the death rate diminishes, yet death can happen any time to any one.

Death and dying are things people naturally shun talking about, or thinking about, yet it is a fact of life that like birth we will all experience death in one manner or other. For some, death may come suddenly without warning in an accident or natural disaster. For others it will be the termination of a long and painful illness. But the fact is we all will at some point leave this physical life through the process of death.

Throughout recorded history, and perhaps well before, Clergy, i.e. Priestesses and Priests have filled the rolls of preparing the dying for the afterlife, officiating the funerary services and rites, as well as counseling the living through the whole process including helping them to do their grief work. So as distasteful as it may be to most, this is an area where Clergy are expected to be very competent in. The dying and their family and friends will look to you for guidance and answers, and they will look to you to help them find closure. They will look to you for comfort at a time of intense pain. They will look to you for advice and guidance at a time when their own thinking processes are severely compromised by the trauma of loss. And they will rely upon your strength of faith and spiritual connection to grant them the strength of will to work through this difficult time. So as a member of Clergy, whether you have had prior experience in this are or not, you should be very well prepared to deal with the entire process of helping someone prepare themselves to die, helping the family prepare for the inevitable death, helping the survivors through the funeral process, officiating the services, and then being available for the survivors as they work through the grieving process.

All of this is outlined, step by step in my book, “The Pagan Clergy’s Guide For  Counseling, Crisis Intervention And Otherworld Transitions,” Published by Waning Moon Publications. I have spent some years working with hospice patients through Vista Care, and I have officiated funerals in both traditional (funeral home) and non-traditional settings. I have also spent a lot of time talking to Christian ministers on their own experiences and distilled all of that information in “The Pagan Clergy’s Guide…” By using the material in that book, you will have every thing you need right there at your fingertips to competently and professionally officiate a funeral and the skills to help you help those who are dying and their survivors. Yes this is a plug for the book, but it is also more than just a plug, it is a desire to help you, as members of Clergy to be able to fulfill your role when you are called to do so at what may be the most difficult task you will be asked to accomplish. And to do it in such a manner that you do the task with complete competence and professionalism. This is not a time to drop the ball or bungle the task.

Some things I did not add in the book, I will mention here. You have completed the deliver of your funeral message and service. It is time for the family and friends to walk by the casket and say a final farewell as they file out. Your job now is to stand beside the deceased and guard the remains. Sometimes you may have to physically pry someone away from the body. You are there to protect the body, for the person in the casket can no longer protect their self. You may see about anything at this point where people literally break down. Some may suddenly become angry and begin assaulting the body. Some may try to remove something from the coffin or person of the deceased. It is OK to slip mementos into the coffin, but it is not OK for people tom take souvenirs.

 The people have all filed out, the pallbearers are waiting out of sight in an adjoining room until called back in to carry the casket out. Your job here is to again stay with and guard the deceased. Most funeral directors are honest. But a few are not and may try to loot the coffin before it is sealed. You are to step back out of the way and allow them to do their job while attentively observing, and ensuring that the deceased is protected against theft, or indignity.

Once the coffin is sealed, the funeral director will call the pallbearers in. You will proceed the deceased out of the funeral home then stand reverently by out of the way while the coffin is being loaded into the hearse. Then when that is done you will find you vehicle waiting for you behind the lead car. The hearse will fall in line behind you. You as officiant/Priest-ess, always precede the deceased in his/her journey from ritual site to internment site. Follow the lead car until it stops in the cemetery, then get out of the car and stand behind and to the side of the hearse out of the way of the pallbearers. Then when the casket is unloaded, you walk ahead of the procession, to the grave site where you wait until the coffin is placed and everyone is assembled, then you deliver a short graveside message and then the funeral director will coax everyone out so they can finish the job of interring the remains and closing the grave. Your job as funeral officiant is done. Share in the celebration of life as the family has a meal afterward if this is done. Then leave them to begin healing.

The next hat you wear will be as a grief counselor. In the case of a surviving widow or widower you should arrange to meet them a week after the funeral to access their mind state and continue giving them your support. The grief process may take a year or more for many to work through. And if their grief becomes abnormal grief you need to encourage them to seek the help of a professional counselor or therapist. Remember their metal health is far more important than your petty ego.